A fun place for my daughter and I to post artwork and what ever else we wish to share.

Stranger than Fiction

I have never done this but I really liked this movie.

If you like movies that force you to care about the characters, you most likely have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, Punch Drunk Love and Lost in Translation. You can safely add Stranger than Fiction to your list.

I just realized that like all of the movies I mentioned before STF  it has  something in common with all of them, believe me I didn't plan it that way, and if you have seen all of the movies than it is obvious. They are all rich below the surface, extremely personal and the meanings of the stories are not spelled out for you, they actually require your thought and ability to feel. While you stare at the list, think about the actors that play the starring roles:

Jim Carey - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, Adam Sandler - Punch Drunk Love, Bill Murry - Lost in Translation and Will Farrell - Stranger than Fiction. The actors are well known for their comedic roles in various comedies. But if you went to the theater expecting to see Jim Carey talking out of his ass (then shame on you) you were sadly disappointed.

No, they were entirely different roles than they usually play, yes they may be pulling a "Tom Hanks", but they have wisely chosen these roles. They are all brilliantly written story lines. They are worth owning on DVD. You can trust me, I am not being paid to write this.

The movies have female co-stars that make a love story very believable. The actresses (in the same order) Kate Winslet, Emily Watson, Scarlett Johansson and Maggie Gyllenhaal effortlessly portray the type of character that a person who would love this type of movie, could easily fall in love with (well at least I could anyway). The characters are low maintenance, intelligent, creative, and strong. The actresses are also very beautiful in a non-Hollywood kind of way, which is way better.

Posted by: Johntk1 at 04:26 | link | comments (2)
movies, movies review

The Hospice Visit

September 2006

I walked into the hospice room where my mother was laying back on a bed. She was weak and spoke in a low and labored voice. She “hey long time no see.” And that started off the conversation between us. I maintained a tone of that would over ride all of my rising emotions. My 9 year old daughter was with me and she was drawing pictures for her Grandmother. I had originally asked a family member to be here with them so that I wouldn’t have to see them together. There was something heartbreaking about seeing them in the same room, my past, my future. Both filled with sadness of the tragedy of life, loving someone so deeply only to have to say goodbye one day. What a wonderful collision of emotions, just enough to make me want to cry like a baby.  But, the voice was working for me.

            I reminded her of a time that yelled me for throwing away a jar of mayonnaise from her refrigerator. I thought we could have a laugh over something in our past. She said “oh that’s all right you didn’t know any better.” It could have been the pain killers that made her so forgiving and understanding, but the understanding had to have been there before the pain medication could drag it out. There were other family members present, they were each coping in there own way. We talked about how my mother said that she saw my sister’s image in the light shade on the ceiling. She laughed and agreed that she did see her there. I was saddened by the thought of her lying there alone at night looking up at the light and finding comfort in that image. Once again I held back the tears, it was so difficult. The room was filled with a thinly veiled air of sadness and grief. My sister said that she has been sleeping there every night ever since she told her that story. We all acted like my mother was just in for another hospital visit like the many she had in the past 6 or 7 years. She was in for a number of reasons, chemotherapy, a second mastectomy. Or to have yet another toe removed as result of complications from the chemo and her diabetes. It had a rough few years for her. But this time the cancer was in her lungs and she wouldn’t leave that bed alive.

            The others had to leave for a bit and I was asked to stay with my mother until they returned. I stood next to her stroking her hair. I was never allowed to touch her hair when I was a child. She said that her scalp was too sensitive and it gave her headaches. Well I was doing it and she was letting me. My daughter asked me something that demanded my attention for a moment. My mother looked at me with a smile and said, “you didn’t know that you would be taking care of two kids tonight did you?” I said that wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

            My daughter handed her a picture that she had just finished drawing, it was a Pokémon character. She looked at it and smiled. She stared moving around her oxygen tube and accidentally removed it from her face. I asked her if I could fix it for her, she allowed it. I struggled with it and didn’t succeed at restoring her to a comfortable state. I knew that I needed to get a nurse, but rather than push the magic button that could make a nurse appear, I panicked but calmly asked my daughter to go to the nurse’s station and get some help. She did so quickly, the nurse came in and with a twist and turn of the tubing, it was fixed. I was relieved until I looked over at my daughter; she had a look on her face that is indescribable. I felt a cold bitter shock that will haunt me forever. She was scared in a way that I have never seen before. I think that she understood at that moment just how sick her grandmother was, the grandmother that always had chocolates and other fine treats for her whenever we visited.

            I went to her immediately and sat holding her telling her what was happening and that Grammy was comfortable now. I praised her for being brave and let her know that she had done a very nice for her grandmother. She said that she wanted to go home, I told her that as soon as her aunt returned we would leave. After she was calm, I returned to my mother and my daughter was right there with me looking at her with absolute concern. She had drifted off to sleep for a bit as she had been doing all night. When she awoke she smiled when she saw us standing here like she was happy to see that we hadn’t left yet. The drawing that my daughter gave her was still in her hand.

My sister returned and it was time to say goodbye. This was the goodbye. It was quick and memorable. I leaned over her and told her that I loved her and that I would be back then kissed her. My daughter said goodbye and we left. This took place on a Thursday night in September 2006.

            The following Week I sat next my daughter in the front row of the church where my mother’s funeral service was held. We sat to the right side and had a perfect view of the sketching that I did of my mother from her high school graduation photo. There came a time when the pastor asked if there was anyone who had anything wanted to share. After a few family members shared, the pastor looked over at me and said “yes dear?”, I was paralyzed with fear. The thought of standing up and addressing everyone would have turned me into a puddle of tears. But it was my daughter that stood to speak since it was her that raised her hand as if she was in her 4^th grade class room. She stood bravely and said that she remembered being in the room with her grandmother, and drew her a picture. Then she told them that she fell a sleep and woke up still holding onto it. She said that she felt safe and had good feelings.

I stood up and shared next, my daughter had given me the strength that I needed to stand up and talk, though not very long.

In loving memory of Irene D. Kennedy

Posted by: Johntk1 at 23:49 | link | comments (5)

Correspondence with a UMA professor about George W. Bush

 Hello professor,

I was wondering if you remember when President Bush tried to give German Chancellor Angela Merkela back rub. Was that a cultural clash, or a misunderstanding? Or does she just find him incredibly annoying?

In case you need a reminder,

It's not exactly "Presidents Gone Wild!" but for the normally staid Group of Eight Summit, a video of President Bush sidling behind German Chancellor Angela Merkel and delivering an impromptu neck rub is, well, as wild as it gets.

The scene, captured by a Russian TV camera, hit the Internet like a summer wildfire this week, and it may be most memorable for the German chancellor's reaction. Bush applies his hands to Merkel's shoulders and neck while she's speaking with Italian Prime Minister Romano
Prodi; the chancellor hunches her shoulders, then throws her hands up to stop the unexpected massage with a wan smile -- and an expression that can best be translated as "Ewwww."

Dear John,

       I recall the incident vividly. In fact the former Bureau Chief and Senior White House correspondent for the ARD (German NPR) called me and asked me "if the man had gone out of his mind," meaning President Bush, or is this normative American behavior? Other incidents such as VP Cheney wearing a military Parka at the Auschwitz 
Concentration camp memorial (as opposed to Black like every other dignitary), as well as shaking hands with gloves on were questions he had regarding normative American behavior. The Germans were attempting to assess whether or not Americans really don't know any better, or are we just arrogant and feel we can do what we like.  Getting back to your original issue, such behavior would be rude in our culture, not to mention probably constitute a "battery" in most common law states.  
Add to that "low class" and you will have the German visceral response to President Bush's behavior. Many Presidents have committed huge behavioral errors abroad. It never ceases to amaze me that the most powerful person in the world, who has virtually unlimited resources, 
can not find a person to tell them how to to behave themselves in a foreign culture. 

Posted by: Johntk1 at 18:16 | link | comments (1)
politics

Latest Research Paper

INTRODUCTION

Parenting is as old as the existence of man and still has not been mastered by human beings. The reason for this can be argued to the end of human existence, but the reality is that parenting has changed with the continuous evolution society and environment.        Automobile factories must build a sturdy frame to hold the numerous components that allow it to be functional. Without a sturdy frame everything on the car would not be properly aligned for operation, and would eventually fall apart from vibration and were and tear. Like the automobile, adult human beings need a sturdy emotional frame built in the years of childhood to withstand wear and tear of human growth. The household environment one grows up in is the first stage of development for that frame. A frame that can support the development of self-esteem and self-efficiency is crucial and the style of parenting will have played a key role in that development. Parents are the first mentors in life that a child will know; encounters and outcomes may be weighed and decided based on the experience that he or she has endured with the parents.

     I intend to explore Diana Baumrind’s three parenting styles and make comparisons to how they each could or could not fit in with the current and future society. I will outline some of the negative effects the parenting styles could have on a child. The discussion will reveal how some styles could be problematic for the adult life of an offspring.

     In conclusion I will end with the parenting style that would be the most likely of the three to prepare children for adulthood in the present and future society based on the compiled information.

 Authoritarian

The authoritarian parent has specific expectations for conduct and will use forceful measures to combat self will when displayed by the child. The parent will demand respect for traditional order, work and preservation. The authoritarian parent will not compromise when it comes to policy and punitive measures (Baumrind 35). The Parents are usually strict and physical with punishment though never abusive (Berger, 2005). A high value is placed on obedience and the parent’s rules and consequences are law.    

     In early the school age, the child will appear to be well mannered and often quiet, obedient and conscientious. This behavior would produce a star pupil for the teacher and a good example to the class of what is expected of them. Though the teacher would be happy, the student would have feelings of guilt and depression. The child would be prone to internalizing frustrations and self-blame when expectations are not met (Berger, 2005).

     As an adolescent he or she may rebel against the parental and authority figures (Berger 2005). If such behavior carries into adulthood, unresolved feelings and emotional conflict could result in control and power struggles with peers. This person would have a difficult time in a management position, parenting or even in the community and authority figures.

    Parenting styles can be influenced by ethnicity and social status. Many researchers have found that Asian, African and Hispanic Americans show higher tendencies toward the authoritarian parenting style, but ecological factors may be a more prevalent influence (Megan, 2006).    

Permissive

The permissive parent would rather be a friend and an equal to the child than that of an authority figure. Though there would be family rules in which policy would be discussed, explained to and even created with the child, limits and boundaries are not maintained. The parent would allow the child to be self regulating (Baumrind 31). The parents of such a student are lax with discipline and their expectations for maturity are low (Berger, 2005).  Punishment is seen by the parents as negative method of control fearing the child would feel shamed and ridiculed. The parents would be more inclined to use convincing in a manor of re-directing the child (Baumrind, 1973).

     Children raised in a permissive household are expected to learn healthy habits such as cleaning, punctuality and good conduct when they are ready to. Since none of the concepts of the permissive parenting style of are used in public schools, the child will have a difficult time adjusting to authority figures. A child that is used to being treated as an equal will always question the policies and authority of public institutions such as schools.

     Permissive parents raise children that are likely to be less content than those of authoritarian households. Since the developing person would be a burden on peers, lack of maturity would impede friendship formation. Being unable to regulate emotions and having a lack of self control (Berger, 2005), it is unlikely that this person would be adequately prepared for adulthood.

 
Authoritative

 The authoritative parent does not wish to compromise his or her rights as an adult or those of the child. The child’s individuality would be recognized and nurtured, but the parent’s decision making process would not be influenced by the desires of the child or a group discussion. The parent would compromise and discus policies with the child as a means of considering their thoughts and feelings, but boundaries and limitations are firmly defined (Baumrind, 1973). A high value is placed on maturity and is expected. The authoritative parent also values “both expressive and instrumental attributes, both autonomous self-will and disciplined conformity” (Baumrind, 1973). If the parent’s high demand for maturity is not met, the child is more likely to be forgiven than punished. As guides and mentors rather than authorities or friends, the parents will sometimes bend the rules.

     Having been raised to believe that his or her thoughts and feelings are valid, the child is likely to be articulate and relatively happy in self perception. Children raised by authoritative parents are perceived as generous, intelligent and have positive relationships with mentors and peers. The advantages of authoritative parenting are steadily evolving in children of middle-class families of European decent to achieve academically. The adolescent has a greater chance of avoiding drugs and the young adult will have high self esteem (Berger, 2005).

     After enduring the awkwardness of puberty the early adult years are likely to be a successful transition. Being able to regulate emotions and maintain self-control, this person is able to trust and be trusted by peers, and appear articulate and generous to others.    

Child Temperament

Child temperament can have an impact on parenting styles and vise versa. The adult is more likely to have a plan of action that will not be dictated by the actions of the child. The temperament of the child can be reactionary to the parenting style. Temperament from early childhood should be carefully considered when applying a specific parenting style. Since some temperaments can result in behavioral problems they may require a diplomatic approach. If a child is aggressive in nature and self-expression is displayed by physically assaulting other children or parents, physical punishment may have an undesired affect. Aggressive behavior could actually be a result of permissive parenting. In fact being non-responsive and non-supportive can be risk factors in early antisocial behavior and low social competence. In contrast, children of parents that are emotionally positive and give attention to pro-social behaviors are likely to be non-aggressive and possess self-regulating skills (Baydar, Nazli, Reid, and Webster-Stratton, 2003).

     Punishment, warmth, and inductive reasoning are three key aspects of parenting that are relevant to child behavioral problems (Hemphill and Sanson, 2001). Parental warmth such as praise, acceptance and affection (verbal and physical), can produce positive results. Parental warmth and inductive reasoning both correlate with Bamrind’s description of authoritative parenting. Inductive reasoning is explaining the rules and consequences to the child. The parent also allows the child input on disciplinary decisions. Positive social adjustment can be an outcome of inductive reasoning. (Hemphill and Sanson, 2001).

     Punishment has been linked to later child aggressive behavior and noncompliance. This method of parenting is often used to assert power over the child. Direct commands, threats and physical punishment are examples of the extremities of this style. Low levels of punishment are found to produce less aggressive behaviors. (Hemphill and Sanson, 2001). The authoritative approach would use punishment as a last resort. Though it is a tool that is used consequentially, redirection is used more often.   

Conclusion

     It is often said that there is no manual for parenting and that there should be a test to allow people to become parents. If there was such a manual, it would have to be constantly updated to meet the cultural and bio-social demands of every new generation. In early times of human existence a more dominant and aggressive male was raised to be a hunter gatherer. Because the female was physically weaker than the male, it was more important to be intelligent to show usefulness to the tribe or male. Otherwise she was just a helpless mouth to feed and may have been killed. Parenting styles like all other fascists of life have evolved as our societies have. Parenting in the beginning may have been crude but necessary for the survival if the offspring. In the present day, some families in more dangerous neighborhoods may have to follow a certain style that ensures survival. In a desperate living situation, there may not be time to compromise and bend the rules. The Authoritative approach does not seem to fit in every situation and so a shift in parenting style may be more influenced by ecological factors than identification with a parent’s native culture (Megan, 2006). In the current American society there are needs that have to be met with smart parenting. 

      Like authoritarian parenting, the permissive style is an extreme. The former seeks to have total control and the latter, non-control. Both styles hinder vital interactions with people that help develop social stability (Baumrind, 1973). Controlling too much or too little would have a negative effect on problem solving and conflict resolution skills. In social environments a person will be faced with conflict and problems. Without the proper skills needed to cope with conflict the child risks experiencing the fight or flight response each time a problematic event occurs. Being exposed to prolonged periods of stress as a result of the fight or flight response, blood flow will decrease in vital body functions to increase in muscles, heart rate and respiration. Problems such as high blood pressure, gastrointestinal and digestive problems, decreased immune system response and brain damage can result from prolonged periods of stress (www.memorylossonline.com). Authoritarian and permissive parenting styles are do not support pro-social behavior.

     Authoritative parenting borrows from both authoritarian and permissive without going to an extreme, providing a middle ground for warmth and discipline. Public school systems use redirection and conflict resolution before any punitive measures are taken. This style of disciplined would bode well with the students from an authoritative household. Like at home, there is a high demand for maturity.

     Authoritative parenting would be the best model for a frame needed with today’s biological, social and psychological demands. The Authoritative parenting style provides discipline while reassuring the child with warmth. Sine the child is made to believe his or her opinion does matter, the child will have the confidence to share an opinion and make suggestions. The child raised by authoritative parents would become a successful and motivated student. Motivation is an important aspect for academic success. Environments such as the home and school class room can nurture the motivation to learn. For the class room to be a place that motivates a student to learn, the school would have to operate in a way that expects, respects, and rewards students for academic success (Renchler 3) much like the way an authoritative household would operate.

     In America adults are not physically punished for such miniscule offences as lying or not being punctual. Physical punitive measures such as spanking are not relevant to any adult experience. It seems senseless to spank a child for hitting; it sends a message that hitting is okay if done correctly by an adult. Adults have to be responsible enough to balance between reward and consequence. For completing an entire work week, an adult will be paid for an entire week of work. If the work week is not completed, then less money will be paid as a result. The rewards are well known to an employee as are the consequences. Simply put, the authoritative parenting style operates with the same method thereby preparing the child for adulthood with realistic expectations.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

     Baydar, Nazli, M. J. Reid, and Carolyn Webster-Stratton. "The Role of Mental Health Factors and Program Engagement in The Effectiveness of a Preventive Parenting Program for Head Start Mothers." Child Development 74 (2003): 1433-1453. 16 Nov. 2006.   

     Berger, Kathleen “The Developing Person Through the Lifespan”. 6th ed. New York: Worth, 2005. 1-666.

     Chandler, Megan, comp. The Influence of Parenting Style and Ethnicity on Academic Self-Efficacy and Academic Performance. Apr. 2006. Texas A&M University. 1 Nov. 2006 <http://handle.tamu.edu/1969.1/3717>.

     “Fight-or-Flight Response” Memory Loss & the Brain. 2005. Glossary15 Nov. 2006

http://www.memorylossonline.com/glossary/fightorflight.html

     Ghate, Deborah, and Vincent La Placa. "Perfection For Parents." Community Care 1546 (2004): 42-43.   

     Hemphill, Sheryl, Sanson, Ann, “Matching parenting to child temperament.” Family Matters, 10302646, Winter2001, Issue 59

     Scarr-Salapatek, Sandra and Philip Palapatek, eds. Socialization

Ohio, Charles E. Merrill Publishing Co. A Bell & Howell Co. 1973

Baumrind, Diana ”Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parental Control.” Scarr-Salapatek and Salapatek 31-43.

     Renchler, Ron. "Student Motivation, School Culture, What School Leaders Can Do." Trends & Issues 7 (1992): 1-22.

Posted by: Johntk1 at 20:16 | link | comments (2)
parenting

Olivia 2006

OK, she is going to be 10 in December, anyone know how to put the breaks on?

Posted by: Johntk1 at 23:55 | link | comments (2)
kids, single parent

John Kerry the comedian.

Okay I am convinced that John Kerry hates his party. He is no longer allowed to talk damn it! When a candidate loses an election they need to go lie down somewhere and never be heard from again. No doubt that the Bush administration is hurting the troops way more than John Kerry’s joke ever could. Lying to them about why they are there and not supplying them with proper armor and equipment. They are sending brave Americans to their deaths while Bush’s oil company buddies get real fat.

     If John Kerry couldn’t win against this failed presidency in 2004, then speaking out like an ego bloated idiot at a sensitive like this, just adds insult to injury for his party.

     Kerry, get out of the public eye and go stroke your ego elsewhere!

Posted by: Johntk1 at 01:42 | link | comments
politics

My first english paper

Our Ever Graceful President

I got an A for this paper!

When I think of the people that I have known with authority such as managers and teachers, those that stand out as the most are the leaders that exuded confidence. Leaders that have a high level of confidence could make a number of mistakes and recover with grace. A confident teacher could forget their master textbook and opt to share a student's copy as if it was the natural order of events. I believe that confidence instills a level of security to the class and or work place. Confidence in terms of a higher office like the President of the United States could make our country feel a thousand times safer than war. Confidence is what helped Bill Clinton sale through his blunders and during his administration. I often doubt our current presidential administration for many reasons. What lead me down this path of doubt is the lack of confidence and accountability of President George W. Bush.

  President Bush held a news conference in Beijing in front of a sea of cameras and members of the press. Though the pressure is extremely higher than that of a manager or a teacher's experience, however it is his natural environment.

  Our Commander-in-Chief ended the conference by arrogantly cutting off a reporter's question.   He briskly exited the podium to his right and attempted to open one of two doors before him. He tugged twice on the locked door with his right hand and felt resistance. With his left hand he tugged on the left door handle; he would not be outwitted by a locked door. Alas, he was defeated by the inanimate objects.

  What happened next can be described as the ever popular "dear in the headlights" look. He turned and gave a very confused and vacant stare that suggested blame. The President

 appeared to be frustrated and needed to appoint the blame to someone, anyone. He needed desperately to be bailed out.

  George W. Bush has no doubt lead a controversial administration. There are two issues stand out strongly in the public eye. Leading America into a war with Iraq (FEMA) was accused of not acting quickly or adequately in preparing for hurricane Katrina. He was also accused of not warning the president of the impending danger. Mike Brown was shown in a video conference along with other officials warning President Bush that the levees were not strong enough for a hurricane of Katrina's size. Within a week of the hurricane's aftermath, Bush stated that no one could have anticipated that the levees would not hold. In the past the president has said that he withholds some information for the safety of our nation. Just who or what was he protecting with this statement, his own hindsight? based on faulty information, and failure to respond adequately to the destructive aftermath of hurricane Katrina. These issues have been debated by experts of all walks of life. There are two very simple questions, were the actions taken unjust, and if not who was to blame? One doesn't need to look very far to see who took the blame. Their have been many members of the current administration that have been awarded some quality family time. Some did not step down quietly. Mike Brown the former head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency

  In the case of the locked door incident, it is easy to see the way the President operates under pressure. His action was to leave the stage, however he failed to leave in the correct direction. His reaction was to pannic.

 Earlier in the conference a reporter criticized President Bush in the form of a question. The reporter asked him about being off on his game during his discussion with President Hu. Bush answered: "Have you ever heard of jet lag?" "Well, good, that answers your question." I wonder if it would have been better to answer with an honest yes. He could have added the jet lag excuse after that and it would have appeared to be more sincere. To be fair, a high profile figure like the President of the United States would need confidence to pull that off. This act would have shown a humble ability to accept the situation for what it was and move on.

  We all make mistakes, it is a human trait. When a waiter at a restaurant is late with our food, chances are it is the cook's fault. The waiter usually apologizes and we either accept it or we don't. Just the simple fact that an apology was made provides the closure needed for the incident to pass. Wouldn't it be nice to see that kind of accountability demonstrated in our current Presidential administration?

Posted by: Johntk1 at 01:50 | link | comments (1)
politics

4th Grade 1st Day

Posted by: Johntk1 at 19:44 | link | comments (2)
kids

Olivia's first soccer game

Posted by: Johntk1 at 19:34 | link | comments (1)
kids

Olivia's Latest

Cat Woman

Posted by: Johntk1 at 13:30 | link | comments (3)
art , kids art

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